what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
