Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize