we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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