3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
