so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
