You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
