So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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