he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
