Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Randomize
