My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
His nipple licking is glorious
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