last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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