i just had sex bonerless
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
