I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
