If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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