I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
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When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
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I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship