youre lurking in front of me
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out