What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.