At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.