i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
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I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.