I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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