you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
