some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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