This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
