is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
