my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You ruined the universe
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
