Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
