No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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