Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My cat gives me a boner
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
