im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
