I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
