every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
