am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
