i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
