3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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