dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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