i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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