so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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