On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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