So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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