Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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