she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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