My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
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I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
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Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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