you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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