i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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