I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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