They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
