Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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