I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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