Me too!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
