Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
But break dance skills will only take you so far
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
