Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
