My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
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so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
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So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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