I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
