I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
