I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
