I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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