i would punch a child for taco bell
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize