Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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