A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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