Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
