I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
