Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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