just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
