he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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