FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
