I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
