Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
